The anxiety over this relationship is killing me slowly. Every day I’m sad thinking I don’t feel enough to stay with him. Some days I wake up wanting to see him, some days I can’t be around him at all. Everyday I’m not with him, I suffer from constant anxiety. Being with him calms me down but I’m not sure if he’s just become a distraction or if he’s actually my saving grace from the constant anxiety I’m feeling. I don’t know how to proceed when my feelings aren’t clear. Anxiety and depression blurs the lines in your relationship. You never know if you don’t feel enough or if you’re constantly worrying because of chemical imbalances or because that’s how you truly feel. The sad thing is that I can’t imagine not having him in my life. When I feel my worst and can’t even face him, I still can’t bring myself to end things because I think of the ways I’ve felt when I’m actually with him. This is all such a mess and if I don’t manage to make this relationship work, I want nothing to do with romantic feelings for years. This confusion has drained me, taken from my will to live and strive for growth. I don’t even feel myself anymore. Not because of any abuse or lack of love but because I hate the fact that I can’t control my destiny through dealing with this anxiety.
not to be a downer but your twenties are super hard and super lonely and tv lied and it’s not glamorous at all and if you are having a hard time it’s ok and it’s normal and you’ll be ok
One of the saddest things to realize is that some times effort and wanting doesn’t matter. Most people are so mismatched and selfish that it warrants a break up despite commitment and effort. I tried to make it work. I never fell in love but I loved him and he’s wonderful. I tried and I’m still trying. Yet I see the impending doom of it all already.
You are drowning yourself by overthinking everything. The next time you find yourself overthinking or beating yourself over something, picture something simple and put no thought into it. Look at the trees moving in the wind or take a moment to look at how beautiful this world is. This world is too beautiful for you to waste your time in unecessary thoughts that are just drowning you.
